I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
