Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
