I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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