I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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