Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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