Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
