plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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