I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
