Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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