conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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