So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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