Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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