does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
