Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
