If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
