How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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