its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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