WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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