I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
