Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
