i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
