it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
