My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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