I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
