if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
