He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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