let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
