What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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