i think i have herpe
just one?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
