I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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