3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
