Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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