Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
