its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
