you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
