put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
