I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
