the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
