I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
