I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize