did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
