3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize