Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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