what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
