he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
