As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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