the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
