life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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