you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
