one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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