please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
