duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
