I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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