he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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