I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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