You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
