We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
