he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
