I hate all girls vehemently.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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