A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
