i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Found the puke drawer
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
