I'm going to jail i love you
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
