Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
