worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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