her vagine was all disorganized.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
