You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize