Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
