I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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