took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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