Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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