ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
