Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
