Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
