Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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