found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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