We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Shame - the story of my life.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
