Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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