He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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